The Latitude Festival. Friday 18th July 2008

The Summer Holidays are here! 
Maisie has broken up from school!
This is such a relief that John and me have decided to take Maisie to the Latitude Festival in Suffolk. The Latitude Festival is a Boutique Festival for literary types who like music but who also like Radio Four and enjoy John Hegley.
We understand that The Latitude festivl is very Aesthetic
  We will stay with our friends in Suffolk because Rest is at too much of a Premium for us to risk camping at the Festival. Our friends, Tom and Meg, have a beautiful Barn Conversion surronded by Golden Fields of Corn. They are both very nice and we are very much looking forward to seeing them. 
Prince William fell off his Polo Pony and The Paper decided to Splash on it. He fell off quite late in the afternoon so John had to Change the Front Page. This is very irritating because as a result John has to stay at work and  we don’t leave London until 9pm. 
Prince William has a lot to answer for.
We are very tired. Maisie falls asleep in the back of the car. We arrive in Suffolk at midnight because we were rather Lost. At the last minute, we remember that we have Sat Nav. Happily, the Sat Nav knows exactly where Tom and Meg live.
We sit in front of the Aga at Tom and Meg’s kitchen table and drink wine far into the night. We haven’t seen Tom and Meg for ages.
The table is made of ancient pitted oak planks polished smooth by years of wear.
‘I made this.’ says Tom carressing the table with his hand. ‘I made it from some Old Floorboards.’
Next morning, beneath high stacked white clouds in a washed blue sky, we set of for The Festival. The Festival is in Henham Park.
‘Oh,’ I say ‘I used to go to Pony Club Camp in Henham Park.’ Meg thinks I am joking but I remember cantering my pony onto the Muster Field in a state of Disarray one morning and being Told Off by Major LeCoq who had a Monocle.
‘This,’ he said  ‘Is No Way to appear on my Muster Field !’ 
It was Very Embarrassing.
Henham Park is Very Beautiful. We have VIP Wrist Bands which means we have an uncrowded Bar and Two Romanians to keep our loos clean.
We meet up with Tom and Meg’s teenage children. They are camping at The Festival. 
‘He was sick all over the tent last night.’ says their daughter indicating her brother. ‘All over the place. Vomit.’ she says.
Tom and Meg’s son looks a bit Green.
We see Seasick Steve on the Main Stage. I decide that he is the Very Last Person that John should be jumping on Freight Trains with. Seasick Steve looks as though he has Been About a Bit. Seasick Steve has all the Moves and all the Banter. 
The People In Front Of Us in the crowd think he is Terribly Funny. They roar with laughter at all his jokes and they slap their thighs. 
I suppose they don’t get out much. 
‘Ah used to be a Hobo.’ says Seasick.
‘Oh yeah’, says a man in the crowd behind us ‘Was that before or after you went to an Ivy League College?’
The People In Front Of Us are Outraged.
Maisie buys some Fairy Wings and some Blue False Eyelashes and we sit by a lake in the woods to watch some Indian dancing.
We see Grinderman. We watch a sweet Unsigned Group in a tent in the woods. Maisie sits on John’s shoulders.
We meet lots of PRs from London in the VIP Area. John knows all of them.
Later we hold hands in the dark so we don’t lose each other and we watch Sigur Ros. 
Meg and me find a Hammock Stall and lie in beautiful multi-coloured South American Hammocks swinging to the distant sounds from the  Main Stage.
During her set, Joanna Newsome forgets her words and stands Frozen in Horror next to her harp. The crowd stand silent as statues willing her to remember. No one Shouts or Barracks. The Latitude Crowd are Very Well Behaved.
On Sunday night we drive back to London.
We love the Latitude Festival.