Holiday!! 11th July 2008

Abigail and me decide that we need a holiday. Zac says he needs a holiday too even though he has all ready been to Cornwall twice and is also going to Sweden in August to race a very big sailing boat on a fijord or some such. 

‘Look,’  says Zac ‘When I went to Cornwall the first time  I was really really hungry all the time because I didn’t have any money on me and when I went the second time I had to  stand up on the train all the way to Exeter and when I got there I had to practice sailing a really really big sailing boat which is not exactly a rest is it?  I need a holiday just as much as Abigail.’

‘He does.’ says Abigail  ‘We’ve both done tons of exams.’ says Abigail. ‘We  both had to work really hard.’ she says.

I hate it when they use Pincer Movement tactics.

‘Anyhow.’ I say ‘There won’t be anything available at such short notice. Everything will have been snapped up. Why didn’t you say you wanted a family holiday? I thought we’d decided there was quite enough going on this year without all that palaver.’ 

I can tell they are not buying any of this.

‘You’ve been away loads.’ says Zac ‘Loads and loads and we have had to Fend For Ourselves. It’s not easy Fending for Yourself when you are taking GCSEs.’ he says.

‘It isn’t.’ says Abigail. Abigail looks very frail. Her hands are tiny and blue. Her face is tiny and white. I think Abigail needs a holiday.

Abigail and me decide to trawl the internet for a holiday.

‘Where?’ I ask.

‘Anywhere.’ she says.

‘But we need a pool.’ says Zac ‘Because Dad won’t go swimming unless we have a private pool.’

John absolutely won’t take his clothes off in Public. In fact it’s quite difficult to get him to take them off in Private.

Abigail and me look at Sunsail. Sunsail is too energetic. We think about Mark Warner. We decide that it is Out of the Question. 

‘All those women in Monsoon dresses.’ says Abigail.

‘And all those teenagers from Surrey.’ says Zac.

“Holiday Rentals.com?’ I say.

‘No.’ says Abigail. ‘Remember that villa in the Var? We were surronded by forest fires and the pool was so full of chemicals it was more like a sheep dip.’

‘And there were cockroaches.’ says Zac.

‘There were some very attractive Pompier in the Carrefour Shopping Centre, though.’ I say, remembering.

‘Yeah,’ says Zac ‘Where we had to spend all our time because it was the only place with any air-conditioning. And why do you think they were there ? Because we were in a Life threatening Situation. That’s why.’

‘Oh, we could have always jumped in the sheep dip. These forest fires pass by very quickly.’ I say.

‘Well.  I’d rather not go to France.’ says Abigail  ‘They just don’t understand Vegetarianism.’

‘And Veganism? And only eating mushrooms?’ I say. 

Abigail ignores me.

‘Sunvil?’ she says ‘Sunvil have Greek Islands Club. Let’s go to Greece.’ Abigails tiny little fingers fly across the computer keyboard. ‘Bingo!’ she says. ‘Phone them up.’ she says. ‘This one is available. It has a pool. It sleeps 6. It’s in .’

I don’t know where Paxos is.

I phone up Greek Islands Club.

‘Where’s Paxos?’ I ask. ‘Where do we fly to? Will we need a car? How much is it ? Why is it available ? Which Airline do we fly with ?

‘Air Excel.’ says the Greek Islands Club Agent.

Despite this. I book two weeks in Paxos. 

I think we all need a holiday. 

Zac and abigail are very happy.

Saturday 12th July 2008. Katya. 

The phone rings at 8.45 am. It wakes us up.

‘Answer it John.’ I say. ‘It is bound to be your mother.’

John answers the phone.

‘Mmmm?’ he says ‘What? what? No we didn’t No we couldn’t. She wasn’t there. What with Cherie Blair? I don’t think so. Everyone was an Arab as far as I could see. Did she?’ he claps a hand against his forehead. ‘Look Katya.’ he says ‘It would have been entirely inpractical even if we had seen her, even if there had been an available policeman and even if what she is doing was illegal.’ He puts the phone down. “That woman is completely insane.’ he says.

Later today we are going to Paul and Claire’s Leaving Party. Paul and Claire are going to live in Stalybridge very soon. At the Party there will be a Jazz Band and Everyone is invited. 

Ellis is so cross with them for Leaving that he is Not Going. He is Boycotting the Party. 

John and me are not Boycotting the Party so we decide to go back to sleep.

Much later we wake up.

‘Oh, I forgot to tell you.’ I tell John. ‘We are going on holiday to Paxos.’

‘Where?’ says John.

‘When?’ says John.

I tell him.

‘But I have to be  in Tennessee. I am interviewing Seasick Steve. We are going to jump on Freight Trains together.’ says John.

I find this very confusing. Then I find it really irritating. 

‘I don’t think you could get insurance.’ I say. ‘What with your high blood pressure and everything. People of your age with high blood pressure aren’t supposed to do things like jumping on Freight Trains. Who the hell is Seasick Steve? Can’t you just phone him up or e- mail him or something like a normal person.’

John tells me that Seasick Steve used to be a Tramp and a Hobo and he used to jump on Freight Trains and that they had arranged to do it together in Tennessee as a kind of enhanced interview experience. They had arranged to do it at the end if August, he tells me. Then he tells me that he has all ready told me all this.

How likely is that ? How likely is it that I would have forgotten that my husband was going to Tennessee to jump on trains with a Tramp?

‘Anyway,’ I say ‘We are going on holiday to Paxos and if you can’t come and spend time with your family because you would rather be hanging out with Tennessee Tramps and jumping on trains with them without insurance then that is your decision. I am going to make some coffee.’

‘Isn’t Paxos one of those Party Islands says John  ‘You know, one of those islands where 18 - 30 year olds take all their clothes off in bars and get arrested by the Greek Police, whilst drinking cocktails called Big Boy and Sexy Beach ?’

‘No it bloody isn’t.’ I say ‘Of course it isn’t. It’s a nice island near Corfu, For Families.’

‘Corfu is full of those places.’ says John ‘You know, like Aya Napa ?’

I say Nothing. I will check if Aya Napa is on Paxos later on the Internet, but I am pretty sure it is on Cyprus which is Miles Away. I go to make coffee. I am quite worried that Paxos will be full of louts with no clothes on. I am beginning to feel quite worried.