Paddington 30th May 2008

John drove me, Evil and Maisie to Paddington. This is always a Bad Idea. 

John tried to avoid the Congestion Charging zone. King’s Cross snarled up like you wouldn’t beleive, and we hit the Red Wave on Marylebone Road. As we approached, each set of traffic lights turned red in perfect time, one following another. Dispatch riders carved us up on their Hondas, their Moto Guzzis and their BMWs. . Evil began to whimper. John said, 

‘There’s plenty of time.’

I went off Boris Johnson as a Bendy Bus got stuck on a corner and took up three lanes. A Black cab driver leaned on his horn. Road Works sporting orange plastic bunting lay abandoned near Madame Taussauds.

‘ Never ever drive me anywhere ever again.’ I said.

‘It’ll be fine.’ said John.

In the back of the car, Maisie rolled her eyes and hugged Evil close to her chest.

We arrived at Paddington with seconds to spare. John got in the wrong lane and drove right past. ‘No U Turns’ said a sign angrily.

‘Do a U Turn ! I yelped as we roared up Praed Street and swerved into the Congestion Charging Zone.

‘If you were going to do that, you might as well have  done it half an hour ago and given me an outside chance of catching a train today !’ I shouted. ‘Look, let me and Maisie get out. We can walk from here.’ I said. Blood was pumping in my ears and I kept forgetting to breath.

‘You do realise that people like me are constitutionally unable to be late don’t you?’ I shrieked.

‘What do you mean “People Like You” said John ‘There are no other “People Like You.” John hauled the car round in a U Turn. A Black Cab Driver leaned on his horn. I think it was the same one.

‘She means People Who Are Really Fussy.’ said Maisie, helpfully from the back seat.

John drove the car down the ramp to the station in the Taxis Only lane.

Maisie and I leaped out. We hauled our suitcase. Luckily it has wheels. Evil gets tangled in her lead. Luckily I already have a ticket. The train is leaving in two minutes.

‘You’ll be fine.’ said John ‘Bye.’ He drove away trying to look like a Mini Cab Driver who has forgotten his Private Hire sticker.

Maisie and me run for the train. The guard is shutting the doors beginning at the front. Suddenly Evil stops on the clean shiny platform and does a giant pooh.

I really hate dogs.