One Tiny Head Louse. Party Saturday 12th July 2008

John and me drink coffe and we decide to go to Selfridges. John needs a hair cut and I need a dress to wear to the party. There is a very nice dress in Selfridges  that I think will be just right. 

We leave the children at home. Some of them are watching  TV in the playroom and some are asleep. 

We drive to Selfridges.

In Selfridges I take  John to The Salon. It is not the Men’s Salon because The Men’s Salon has closed down. It is a UniSex Salon and it is very plush. There are curving white leather banquettes and orange illuminated glass cabinets in The UniSex Salon. 

John is a bit nervous. 

‘You tell them what I want.’ he hisses as we follow a Stylist to a white leather swivel chair in front of a gleaming floor to ceiling mirror. Honestly, sometimes it’s hard to believe that John can Edit a National Tabloid Newspaper.

‘He wants his hair cut.’ I explain to the Stylist. ‘He wants it shorter and kind of more cut than it is now.’ I say.

The Stylist nods understandingly. 

John looks very worried. 

‘Make it look completely different and more styish.’ I tell the Stylist. 

John looks mildly panicky. 

‘Byee.’ I say and I go to buy my dress. I may have time to look at shoes too and maybe the Men’s Uber Designer Section. I love Selfridges. Selfridges is the Best Shop in London.

I buy my dress. It is blue chiffon with a scattering of orange flowers. I have some orange shoes from LK Bennett that will look very nice with this dress. I don’t try it on because I know that it will fit me. Then I see John. John is standing in the Whistles Concession next to The Lab Cafe. He has wet hair and half a haircut. 

‘What are you doing?’ I ask ‘That was a quick haircut.’ I say ‘Are you sure that that is the style you wanted ? You lokk a bit like Phil Oakey from the Human League circa 1982.’

‘I’VE GOT NITS!’ says John as quietly as he can. ‘They found a louse crawling about in my hair. They asked me to leave.’ he says. 

‘Oooh how embarrassing.’ I say. ‘I’ve got my dress. Shall we go home? I’ll finish your haircut. You’ll be fine.’ I say John looks very Shell-Shocked. I take his hand.

‘They never would have noticed one tiny little head louse in The Men’s Salon. Come on, you don’t look that odd, just a bit wet and lop-sided.’ He doesn’t look too bad but he is very pale. 

When we get back to the car we have a Parking Ticket. Bastards! 

When we get home I cut John’s hair. I comb his hair and the Head Louse dies horribly.